Fragile

This is a confession. Treat me with care.

I am strangely attracted to ******* and I knew from day one that this was to become a thorn in my side. He had shown interest in me first and I tried to shield away, but when you **** with someone it's impossible to diffuse that tension. We began sleeping together. Over the last few months I have been battling with myself, over my actions, over my feelings, against the obstacle that he is emotionally unavailable. He is arrogant and self-focused. So why do I like him so?

Our relationship is a volatile one. At times we act as first loves, giggles and stolen glances. At other times we behave as strangers, the chill in the air concrete and tangible. I don't know why we are like this. I've never met anyone like him before. I despise him and adore him at the same time.
This is the unhealthiest, mental and emotional place I've ever been and I hate to attribute this to him. I'm beginning to question myself and my whole being ("It's all his fault, isn't it? Or was it me? It's me isn't it? Oh my god it was me. But it couldn't have? Could it? Oh god it could."). How did I, a carefree 28 year old woman, who has travelled the world, who had always been sure of herself in matters of the heart, who always ruled with her head, become a stereotypical neurotic mess?