The question of children has popped into my mind recently. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it earlier. I know friends and relatives my age or a little older who have had kids. I know of their traumas of raising little ones, and the great joy they seem to give the parents and other related family members. I have also been made aware in a general sense, of the difficulties a woman faces when she gives birth in her 30s.
I am approaching 30, in less than 5 months. Yet this is the first time I’ve really considered the problem. Is it a problem? To answer this question, one should really consider the source and ask, do I want children? I’ve never been the kind of little girl to talk about how many babies I would have when I grow up. It was never something I thought about, let alone aspired to. What is the purpose of having children anyway? Little power trips of being able to create someone in thine image? Surely in this day and age, children are somewhat redundant.
Let me explain. Traditionally children often died in early childhood due to disease, famine and other horribles we’ve eliminated today. So in order to ensure someone was around to look after the farm and look after you in your old age, you bear children, and many of them. The idea of having children also ensured your name would live on. There is a great human propensity to continue our genealogy, part of our genetic makeup, the Darwinism of it all. Through the thousands of years of revolution this desire or need for offspring has become embedded into our culture. It is not a necessity to have children these days, yet it is still not the norm for those in meaningful relationships to not consider the idea of having children. It is still expected by society that as a result of the union of two people, children will be presented sooner or later.
But what do children offer today’s couples? There is greater talk of the Me Generation that suggests the people today of child-bearing ages are less concerned with providing for the family but more with providing for themselves. And that means satisfying all of their own needs in life first, hence marrying later, and hence having children later, if at all.
I have yet to decide what my future will be with regards to children. The medical profession will advise me that I am approaching the latter stages of my prime child-bearing years. While I am unfit mentally and financially right now to consider having children, I guess I must for my body’s sake. And though I may not want children right now, I may want them a few year’s down the track, for what ever reason I decide is fitting. And if this is so, I need to think hard about the risks and sacrifices I may take, both then and now.
I am part of the Me Generation. I want to achieve things in life without the burden of raising responsible youths, citizens of the future. I am still yet to know the role I play I this society and without that, how can I possibly consider bringing another into my orderless world? Furthermore, the argument that there are countless unclaimed children in this world makes it feasible to not bear children of your own. Celebrities have almost made this fashionable in recent years, and while I am not saying because celebrities adopt you should too, adoption is being given new profile and extra bonus stamp of legitimacy by these “role models”. In the ultimate expression of the Me Generation, these celebrities for what ever reason chose to adopt, must have also considered the advantage of not taking 9 months+ out of their careers, of not worrying about the changes to their bodies pregnancy causes, of not worrying about the extra hard work of returning their bodies to pre-pregnancy perfection.
Is this the reason why turning 30 is such a terrible pitfall for women? That it signifies the end of the most youthful time of our lives, that we must face harsh realities even though we aren’t ready for them yet? Talking and thinking about children realistically puts us into a context that we’re not used to and frightened of, particularly if you are a single girl with a so-so career. Something to think about.
This is a very unpolished piece. I lost my momentum midway and kept restarting it. But I've kept this minimumly edited, partly as a request (you know who YOU are) and partly because it's been sitting for too long in the draft pile that I'm sick of it. Maybe you can offer advice on how to improve it.
